Friday, November 30, 2007
Cobwebs are all over the place... Hanging spiders threatening to shut down the operations of the location. And, with that i mean this place called my blog. Checking from the date of my previous post, its been ages since i even blogged something at least half decent.
And, here... pls stop reading because its just going to be one long string of complaints and grumbles, which no sane person would really be interested in knowing... So, just sod it!
This week is just Bad. Yes, with a capital B because its to the extent and of horribleh...
Been sick with flu, cough, sore throat, fever and the resulting deep, resonant and "un-me" voice. I've 2 days MC but what's the use? I still have to go all the way back to school to work on my projects and whatever consultations to begin with... I guess, half of this week is spent being 'medicated' and drowsy... I don't feel all that great. And, i can't even begin to complain and being like a normal proper patient and having a decent much-needed sleep. Even till now, my voice is still bad and my throat still sore...
Well, in the midst of all these, throw in a major RADIO ON-AIR PRESENTATION test (will elaborate later) and a FEATURE ASSIGNMENT WRITE-UP, which i shalln't even start on how many drafts i actually wrote and consulted but still turned out to be a mess. It's possibly the one thing that i really worked that hard on but i guess it just further reinforces the blatant and jarring fact: I'm not cut out to be a writer and i am no journalist... probably a wannabe and i would rather be none then. I'm not there and not in the middle... That's quite depressing.It's like having those fanciful and great ideas but when written, it's been thrown into the gutter just with one flush. And, the worse in all these is that i actually love writing and still do but just not up to it. that's how bad.
And, now as promised, elaboration on the radio presentation... A bunch of nerves and jitters will probably cover what i have to say about the 'live' scale of the test.... Beginning with the practices a day before the actual one, which i screwed up totally due to an overrun that cannot be explained ont the 2 tries... Believe me when i say i have absolute faith in my counting because i have 3 people counting for me too and its accurate... But, well... let's just say it made me panic and keep thinking about this the whole night.... AND, today is the big letter day, which i hoped that i will at least pass and the timings to be right... The hands shaking as i fade-up the music and the words i rushed through... FINALLY, i have to say this: I PULLED THROUGH!!! Phew... It's as if a big stone is lifted off my shoulders and i can finally breathe already.... the minute i see the second hand reach 12.
Cliche but still i hav got to say this: Both of these finally ended.. a moment of life again before the clockworks get into another routine for next week's killer projects...
I know i have to perservere and really work for it... I have to better balance drama and schoolwork, which i am doing ever so badly now.. i feel really bad for missing on sessions this week but my vocals are not cooperating and the clasp on my throat is still sore. i know i should go even then but i just feel really bagged down by medication and sleep deprivation (which i know many will have). I promise next week, with or without the voice, i will be present. i want to be committed and should be setting a good example. I fail in doing so. Don;t think i don;t feel guilty.. i do. It's just sometimes.. i don't really voice it out... but, despite all these... i still want to make this production a success because it's a promise!
I wish i can be better. i wish i can do better. i wish everything will smooth its creases.
I wish more.
Can I?
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
School's been 'great'... Yea,you get it. its totally ripping every sane person apart. But, i guess, after 3 semesters, it's kind of expected. well, i shall not complain about projects since its already been done every sem. But, well, just to say its all been a rollercoaster ride. Even when i'm now in the lib, its also been a 'work-experience'... want some rest? oh well, forget it!
Well, when i have the time, i'll post a much longer and nicer post... but, thats for now.
Ok, this is bad.
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
(:
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