Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Maybe, jus maybe... this is not my way.
Not the path that truly belongs to me..
not the one i m seeking for..
The bright lights no longer beckon,
the ground no longer calls,
the place i once belonged
no longer there..
Am i disillusioned?
Are all that i hav
a mirage?
Jus part of my fictional imagination,
a dream tucked at the seams.
Maybe, jus maybe
this is not what i am.
Tues-
terrible terrible day.. As from my previous blog entry, i was supposed to head to bugis to meet up with the dj.. for my interview.. And, well.. we r sort of considered late meeting her as she was already dere when we reached.. First 'no' in an interview: never make your interviewee wait.. utter disrespect! And next, its worse... When we start to record, i was sort of in a jumble, prob due to the rushing and all.. so i m not my composed self.. (though i m usually not that composed either..)So, ok.. next came the worse tink.. THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT in my life... We have to re- record due to technical glitch which is oso one of the main prob dat fateful day.. Ok, n during the re- record, i called the dj by the wrong name- her colleague's name in front of the cam, n to her face.. i din even realised that till when all eyes were on me.. wa.. i seriously blushed right down to my veins.. this is so bad.. i tink its due to before the recording, i keep hearing my fren saying about this dy.. n this piece of info sort of got imprinted in my mind.. So, yes... i feel so terribly downcast aft which... totally screwed up..
So, the four of us went to take neoprints! Its been a while since i hav taken neoprints.. And we tried 2 machines.. And, the effect was super hilarious.. Everything turned out to be.. hmm... ok.. But, coming to the next climatic part- my fren lost her phone, is a sony erricson walkman phone.. super ex i guess,, And, aft we came out onli 2 grps of ppl went in.. n we went forth to sk this particular grp if they saw it.. And the 2 girls said no.. We requested the shopkeeper to search their bags.. i noe this may seem very rude but its really necessary during that time.. We hav no choice.. I kind of feel bad out it n prepared myself to hearing the bad news of not being able to find.. Buy lo and beholdm, its in the girl's bag.. And she returned to us. without the hint of remorse.. And saying this dumd line: " i jus wan to teach u(my fren) a lesson, cuz my cousin oso leave her things around.. so, i kept ur phone to see what happens.." this blatant daylight theft masked over by this outright lie.. Does she think we are three yrs olds?Good tink we din pursue the matter, or dat person will end up in jail.. prob revengeful.. i hav never experienced smth so bad happen to any one of my fens or me..
Jus why r ppl jus so petty? selfish? Can't they think of what the consequences r of stealing? What good does education serves them then, if this is the kind of morals they hav.. Teach us a lesson? y not try teaching urself first?
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Monday, June 26, 2006
well, now i m in the sch lib trying to will away the time that i hav till the interview.. wondering wat interview? well.. its the interview we hav to do in medisoc, interviewing a media personnel.. And, ta-dah.. we chose a deejay from yes933.. ok, at first ireally ahv no idea who dat deejay was.. i don really listen to radio dat much as a matter o fact, but aft this i m sure i will be sort of more knowledgeable bout it? i guess? well.. but its really quite freaky talking to a complete stranger, who happens to be my senior.. haa.. so darn proud of her! ha.. i mean it.. she's gd.. i listened to one of her hosting.. and its really not bad.. Did she pick the skills up at np? well well.. finding out in a few.. But then, i hav to wait till like 3 plus.. 2 hrs away.. wa.. long long wait... And aft de interview hav to double- up back to the sch for my cca.. lasts at 9 plus* if lucky*.. well.. well.. calculate.. how long wud that take me to reach home? bingo! 10 plus.. i will step into my hse at this time.. early or wat? And the worse thing being that i hav to reach sch at 8am tmr for my dear sports n wellness class.. So much sleep..( trying to be sarcastic here..) But, i m kind of glad i gt the script out of the way.. at least its done.. well, as to whether its a good job, i hav no idea yet.. but, hopefully? tis is like my first real attempt dat i write a script fully, not in sec sch where we kind of work in a team on a script.. this is different.. which i hope is better? *fingers- crossed*
what do u say to irritation?
how do u say no?
when do we do that?
why would we do that?
Who in the world then?
Saw your actions,
felt your emotions,
been there, done that
But, are these really what they are?
what is the truth?
i want to believe,
really wanted to,
all that's said
all we've done
i wanted to..
But, in this chilly ground
the place we called home,
where flowers blossom,
seasons passed,
but you stayed..
Do i choose to believe?
Or forsake to be chilled?
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Saturday, June 24, 2006
ok, ytd i had de best day... well.. i went to escape theme park for de day.. wif my family... its been ages ago since i stepped foot dere.. n dat time i went dere i don really dare to take most of the rides n ended up missing the fun.. So, ytd i tried MOST of the rides except some rally heart- plunging ones.. The best will be the Go- Kart car.. where we really drive a car around the track at the speed we controlled... the many swerves, the deep dives, the switching lanes.. really fun.. it is this dat made me luv driving.. though i noe driving on the roads is really a diff experience.. Got so many diff routes dat we hav to take note of.. And dat's y i hav always luv to be chaffeured n not the chaffeur.. i'm afrid i will get lost.. n as u see, when u get lost in a car, u can't jus abandon ur car n hail a cab from nowwhere.. but, if u r lost on ground, u can always flag a cab.. So much more reliable.. haa.. *wierd thinking i noe* But, i really luv de thrill of the race track.. wish i cud go again... But, the worse is the pirate ship.. Heart stopping... nose dip plunge, 90 degree dip down... as if my heart has taken a flip- flop n i screamed my lungs out..haa.. If onli i can grab onto someone strong beside me.. But, ha.. my bro not really strong enough.. so the sense of sercurity is not really dere.. haa..
But, in conclusion a nice nice one!!!
Sometimes dreams reflects reality,
dreams contain bits n pieces
but y do adults keep asking us not to dream?
If dreams r in fact real..
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Friday, June 23, 2006
Forbidden City- Portrait of An Empress
By: Singapore Repertory theatre..* that time psf mentioned smth bout dat..*
Preview Show
S$60, S$45, S$40, S$30, S$75 (VIP Box), S$15 (Restricted View)
Mon-Thurs 8pm, Wed & Sat 3pm Shows
S$110, S$80, S$70, S$50, S$140 (VIP Box), S$30 (Restricted View)
Fri-Sat 8pm Shows
S$120, S$90, S$80, S$60, S$150 (VIP Box), S$30 (Restricted View)
* apparently, they hav some kind of student rates but not sure how to go about it.. and only for cat one to four.. which is???*
ok, enough bout Forbidden City.. not even sure if i can afford to go.. Or not? well.. but seriously a tempting performance that has won great reviews and captured the hearts of the audience when it was on in 2003.. Anybody who's interested in these kinda theatre stuff shld really watch it but ok, considering the pricey tix.. Woah.. it seems as though i m advertising for them.. hmm.. prob they shld even pay me some advertising fee of some sort? not bad an idea.. let me bring it up to the board.. haa.. ok, jus kidding.. as if they wud care a hoot! But, thinking of theatre, makes me think of my scripting.. how??? i hav no idea wat to write yet.. N the transcript for the interview with the deejay.. Help help.. what themes shld i choose? friendships? family? violence? relationships? ok.. i hav seriously no idea.. jus from what Dennis say.. to hav a local context? hmm.. i wonder how it will be like to write bout transsexuals? but.. kind of hard to cast..
Sch's going to reopen in 2 days time.. but, jus feel as though i hav neva had a break before.. the 2 short weeks of break where i hav to go back 3 days a week.. well.. almost.. Do u really call this break? i doubt so.. So, i guess while many ppl gets depressed n'sad' bout returning to sch.. i jus feel monotonous.. Doesn't really affect me in that way i guess.. Jus hoping that the long term breaks com soon.. 25 aug.. looking forth to dat.. last day of sch for the semester n psf first production.. woah.. But, before that much- yearned break, we hav to slog our hearts out.. n with sch reopening, worries for the projs n exams.. But, mostly on the bauhaus proj which is jus so morally depressing.. esp when i put in so much effort n... well well.. there r bound to be these sort of things.. but, jus thinking bout it is kind of saddening n emo- wrenching..
p.s. do u noe ' Red Duke Of York' is the term for potatoes in New York City? ha.. saw tis packaging in Marks n Spencer ytd..
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Thursday, June 22, 2006
ok, here goes nothing.. well.. i m suppossedly trying to write a script for psf first minor production.. (ok, trying is the wrong word.. apparently, i hav not even thot of it.. and the dateline is like next tues psf session..) help!!! datelines again.. y do everything hav to revolve around datelines? Is this wat poly life is about? one word- date-lines! well, ok, back on track.. i wanted to try out for scripting this round so as to see if it suits me.. but, how m i suppossed to noe that dateline is like a few days away.. help.. i don even noe if there's a theme.. And apparently jus gt jo's mail that hav to submit by nxt tues.. Ppl, say congrats to me k..Firs assignment n i gonna screw up.. Jus when i thot i can do smth.. smth nice.. Ok, but details of the production r not really confirmed, jus that de date being 25 aug.. and well... jus a minor one.. Afterall, we r jus admateurs..
One thing i hav found out about psf is that everyone in it is serious about being a part of it, full of zest not spaz.. enthusiastic in performing and doing their best, not caring about what others tink of them.. It's kind of a relief to not think about what ppl tink of u sometimes.. we jus worry too much bout dat which hinders the freedom of expression that we r entitled to.. Ain't it so? But, well.. seeing this sort of seriousness in the club, i kind of feel bad for being kind of a spaz n not really giving my all.. Do i really wan to do that? I mean remain this way thru my yrs in np? But, sometimes things r jus not within our reach.. Change occurs concurrently..
And, according to jel's blog, tis girl bought the tics to Forbidden City.. the theatre show.. Argh.. i so wan to go... this show is erally fab.. i mean my impression of it.. its really a kind of a hit for this whole years theatre plays.. a major motion! Wonder how i noe? there's always the net to search for n being enticed, rite? But, i wud really really luv to watch it.. the second shoe after Private Parts that i wud like to watch.. As much..
Lastly, i m kind of drawn to television programmes rite now.. to be more precise, pop idol dramas.. i hav always been glued to them.. esp taiwan shows.. prib is my dear 5566, but this show currently on 7pm at channel u-- Green Forest, My Home.. so do not hav any of them inside.. but i jus feel that the plot is really beautiful.. Some ppl might beg to differ.. And i noe, all pop idol dramas r mostly the same but i jus feel an attraction towards it.. It might be though that the stories r not what we can see happen to us in real- life.. more like a fairytale that won't be able to spin its magic in real life.. But, that's jus me.. living in dreamland.. *i wish*
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
why can't we ever jus say what we want and not caring bout the impact of the words?
why is it that subtle jus neva work?
Why can't we jus leave things as simple as it is?
What if the person u judged appears to be that?
what does the word imperfection signifies?
How do we say no without hurting someone?
Why wud u apologise even when u r not in the wrong?
Why wud kind ppl become a murderer?
why is everything jus a vicious cycle of questions?
Ok, a series of questions that i m beginning to question myself.. the whens, wheres, whys and hows..well.. sometimes questions are not meant to find answers.. neither are we suppossed to find wat we wan, rite? Many times, we don get wat we really wish for, but no.. we can't be greedy.. everything's fair.. is just.. neva question wat the world gives but rather wat u give.. ur all? or jus a quarter?
ok, last tues nite went back for cca even when i hav a major exam tmr.. i m so 'clever' ah.. can't believe it.. i mean its ok.. well.. discussed bout our first productions.. act out some local scripts n all.. * and army daze is really a very, long long script..* haa.. so many acts.. jus in one single script.. but hilarious though* Our first production is around august i tink.. but well major details not out yet..
And, i wan watch forbidden city.. the theatre show.. its suppossedly a very nice show lo.. And tics r like out now.. i tink.. wa.. but sure gonna cost a bomb! Unless, i pick up a tic on the ground.. ha
Wed, marketing exam.. major one.. large thetre halls.. four cold walls enclosing.. long stretches of tables cum chairs.. thick papers.. minutes of dread.. I flipped open the paper.. good tink mcqs.. then, the real problem arises when i m faced with those questions on Starhub's marketing plans n all those stuff.. woah.. Application.. well.. i noe its normal but some of the questions really throw me off guard.. If not, locked me successfuly! But.. well.. i keep scribbling whatever that comes to my mind.. Tme's running out.. i m too long- winded.. this feels like i m being transported back to social studies exam in sec sch where every moment is as precious as gold.. or gold dust.. whatever happens to be more valuable.. Ok, n as soon as it started, it ends.. And, relief flooded all over me..
i hav a secret ambition.. a dream to be a police officer.. not jus any sercurity guard or traffic police or neighbourhood police.. i wan to be a C.I.D.. tis sound so cool.. And, from my impression their job is really fun too.. full of vigour and life.. always on the heels.. not jus sitting at some office frolicking, typing, cussing.. as what office staff always do when they r too free.. opps.. *stereotyping* no offense.. And, i like being a police from tv shjows.. i noe wat u r goin to say.. tv is diff from real life.. maybe in real life the jobs of C.I.D are jus as boring? Since the country has a relatively low crime rate... i guess its so.. but, its still fun wat.. police seem so smart too.. But, i noe i so do not meet any of the requirements.. height n weight wise.. hai.. my dream dashed...
So, i wud cinsider being a play-act police in a show.. ha.. which has a next to nothing chance oso.. haa.. So, back to square one..
p.s. wonder where i keep getting these ideas of being a police, channel 8, 9pm show is a must watch!!! really nice.. not jus the police part oso lo.. the whole show is fab..
P.P.S. opps.. i tink i hav written too much.. adios..
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
This is certainly ridiculous.. i hav a major exam on marketing communications tmr and here i am instead of studying.. online.. ok, though i m partly doin research on the case study for tmr's exam.. but, well.. drawn to blogging instead.. bad bad habit! And the worse tink or no.. can't say its the worse cuz it actualll helps me relax.. well.. i hav to go to sch by 6pm lata till late nite... who in the right mind wud go back to sch at nite? n wif a major exam tmr.. jus hoping i don get a breakdown.. its content- heavy wif 5 essay qns and total marks galore of 100.. Can u believe it??? ok.. so aft saying so much, i hav yet to say wat is the purpose of me goin to sch at this unearthly time of the day(night).. don be mistaken, not for any criminal activities but jus for my dear cca.. haa.. yes.. as simple as that.. for cca.. i almost succumb to the temptation of not goin due to mtr's exam but kinda feel guilty for not goin for these past weeks.. * a person noes when to feel guilty, k?* So, yes.. that's it..
Hmm.. a message.. well.. i meant that not as chasing away.. not with any ulterior motives.. pls do not be mistaken.. i meant wat i said but not in the harsh manner i guess.. i jus wanted things to be not so complicated, wanted things to be jus simple... No more tangled webs, no more disappointments and hurt all over again.. I jus neva noe when the time will be to ever accept again.. So, i believe there's no use in waiting.. It won't do anyone any good.. And, asking again will onli stab the wound further which i really regreted doing.. It's not worth it.. If hatred can seal ur wound, let it be.. i really dunno wat to say anymore.. How did things turn to become so complicated once again?
Complexity is the worse enemy...
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Ok, this is officially stress- ful period.. i noe u ppl muz e tired of my grumblings of sch life.. But halt! this is really importatnt.. believe me.. Ok, i start with how we have this assignment in mediasoc that we hav to interview in medisoc.. We hav to interview someone from the media industry so ok.. i went to search high and low.. And, i asked my bro's fren to contact tis deejay from mediacorpradio.. I emailed her but there's like no reply for so long.. So, i kind of gif up hope.. And, its de last day we hav to submit the name of the person we hav to interview.. Its like this morn den i noe there is tis dateline which is today at 1pm.. * panic*.. Alarm bells rung in my head.. Am i goin to fail this even before i start> jus cuz of one dateline? woah.. tis really grips me..
So, yes.. tis morn while on my way to sch for medisoc exam... instead om focusing on this exam, i worry bout this stuff.. nitty0 gritty/ No Way... its a big big prob.. How??? LAst min, while i am panicking, i thot of my Drama instructor in psf.. who's oso the artistic director of Wayang Warehouse.. Woah.. And, he agreed to the interview readily.. cheers for him!!! good guy!! thanks for helping me out.. Ok, so u wud tink that my 'adventures' wud end here.. but no.. smth bigger is install for me... When i reached home, prepared to submit the name of the person i m goin to interview on mel... i received tis email from the deejay.. (aft when i finally or rather almost gif up hope..) She said that she graduated from mass comm too.. my senior.. haa.. so fun! but, now i ahv 2 ppl to interview.. how? hai.. dat's realli a dilemma.. So, we hav decided to interview both of them.. since they are of 2 diff professions, we can learn about both too.. Yea.. ok.. Finally, now my adventures came to an end..
P.s. an email from the deejay jus popped up.. -- the meeting times..
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Thursday, June 15, 2006
These past few days, though its the hols, it doesn't even seem like the hols to me.. went back to sch every so often.. somedays for make- up lessons, den for some filming stuff.. What is this? Are these really called hols? or jus plain study week? i hav absolutely no idea.. And, nxt week tests and exams again.. medisoc and marketing.. a wizened old tb, tons of notes, concepts and stuff.. argh.. No.. not again.. 3 days of nxt week robbed again.. And sch will reopen, wif me feeling as if there's not even a break... i noe these chunk of writing is a nonesencical piece, cuz i m jus rumbling in frustrations.. nothing content- worthy or anything but jus a vent for me to release the steam boiling within me..
Sometimes its not that i don wan to go out wif u guys but rather the circumstances present.. i m really drained.. both physically and emotionally.. i really hate the travelling part of everyday to sch.. the trains, the buses, the switchcheroo... Don't u tink i wish i could jus go out wif u guys n kick back, relax? but its jus the prob wif sch, exams, projs.. Sorry ppl for forsaking u all...
LAstly, Though i noe the damage is done, is irreversible, the pain so deep.. but.. if i don say this to u now, u will wait even longer rite? u will keep waiting but i dunno if i will ever be...i dunno..ready.. Are the words i said really too harsh?
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. The tagged victims have to come up with eight different points of his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover. (like the.)
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there's no need to do this AGAIN.
5. Lastly, most importantly, HAVE. FUN. DOING. IT .
* Audrey, do u hav to tag me de first? haa.. kiddin.. but its quite fun lo..*
gender: male..
1. a gentleman. well, this is like quite impt to me i guess.. i like someone who behaves like one, smiles like one, talk like one and treats me like the way a gentleman shld. i mean this is kinda a basic thing for most guys rite? U can't expect a guy to behave like an irrational jerk in functions and not feel embarrassed.. but, i noe there are no perfect gentlemen in this world. So, i just look at 80%?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. a non- smoker. Sorry, i mean no offense to sokers in general.. its just that i can't stand the pungent 'aroma' of smoke.. don tell me its cherry flavour or whatsoever kind of new flavour-- the result is still unhealthy smoke. The smoke irritates my throat and my eyes will really hurt.. i don like the feeling. And, what's more, i will become a passive smoker which is even worse than a compulsive smoker. Being frens with smokers are ok, n ihav some smoker frens hu r nice ppl but someone that's considered my perfect lover? sorry, i just can't accept it...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. someone i can talk to and joke around. yes, i mean in a relationship communication is kind of a key to all the locks. It's essential that we hav stuff to talk about and not just awkward pauses and piercing tinge of silence. Of course both parties must work towards it and eventually reach a stage where we feel comfortable with the silence and just treat it as a form of peace and tranquility, transcending from eternal understanding of one another. * haa.. a bit too much ah?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. care about me. ok, here what i mean is caring for my physical and emotional well- being but i don mean over- protective. i need my required breathing- space and i don like to be tagged along with even when i go out with my frens. But, i wud really like if the guy shows his care for me in a subtlr way and in little everyday actions. That will be enough.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. taller than me. well, i tink for this point almost every guy can? cuz i hav not really met any guy hu's really shorter than i am... So, well.. yes.. but i don wan a guy to be jus taller than me by one or two cm.. too little.. cuz i can wear heels.. haa.. Most preferbly at around 170cm? Anyway just be taller than me will do..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. intellectual but need not be a smarty-pie. Actually, i like guys who has knowledge about a lot of things that i don't know bout.. So, he can fill me in on my basic knowledge.. I hav really poor basic knowledge.. And hence can be super blur at times.. This guy can then fill in the gaps in my not- so- perfect life with all the knowledge. Also, at least we will hav smth to talk about.. All boils down to communication in the end.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. shy. i hav no idea but i jus feel that guys who are shy are more appealing. But, pls i don really prefer those who don dare to do teensy bit of stuff without whining. I hav this impression that shy guys tend to show their care for u in a real subtle way and they don publicy say they love u but that's fine by me cuz i m not really such a public kind of person. And, they will be really sweet. well, that's only my impression.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. someones who gives me a sense of protectiveness. yes, at least with this kind of person i will feel so safe, so warm and the whole world can cease to exist. * opps.. kind of like a fairytale.. * I won't be afraid of small bugs and flies bacause i noe he will swat them away, provided he's courageous enough.. ha.. Walking in the dark won't be a problem because i noe i am safe? i guess that's bout it.. i jus hope to feel safe, and at times i can just relax and leave all to this nice guy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, so ending it all.. this is just a mirage i hav created of my prince.. i know that in this world it doesn't really exist.. So i tink of all the eight the first two are the most impt. Well, anyway this is just smth fun to do, smth fictional that i hav created out of a fariytale..
taggies: fang, jel, pearlyn, zj, marcus chua, kim, kenneth, Audrey.
haa.. ok, ppl hav fun doing it.. All for the namesake of fun..
Ok, then to ytd, woah.. i don even wan to mention it.. its so teadious.. Its really a 12- hr tink.. filming whole day till nite time.. We went to orchard to film all the scenes, got chased by sercurity, coincidental meeting of slope.. haa.. so long neva see tis guy n he still has not much of a diff.. still as crappy..
Ok, and the worse tink was really the filming business where we hav to retake and retake so many shots.. under the sweltering heat.. a pity i din get heatstroke.. opps.. *touchwood.. Oh, and we went to this tattoo parlour in heeren to film one scene a=which is one of the better shots cuz at least we r protected from the ever- glaring sun.. After this, we ate aat LJS and lugged to equip to our nxt destination.. really tiring.. And towards the aftrernoon, i m alreading stoning and din really pay attention to the surroundings lo.. So, i m onli like sleepwalking thru everything.. And, i really hope the sound mixer really works if not we r so dead.. That thing is really faulty so we hav absolutely no idea how to manage it.. eeks.. And, finally a wrap at 1000.. nite.. yawn!!!
Oh my.. did i say that filming is fun? i take back my words.. it's so not... Acting is so much better than filming.. So, nxt time act in it, don do all those technical stuff.. its bad.. real bad.. And, ppl just see the film based on the actors and not the hard work by the ppl who made this possible, the long hrs of editing, the hrs in the sun.. All those artistes reallt get it..
LAstly, ytd is the day i hav taken in more smoke than any other.. cigars and all.. And, seriously speaking i hate it.. i mean no offense.. cuz those ppl ytd are nice ppl, really gd too.. though a bit irritating but they are nice enough to help us out.. But, sorry if my actions ytd against the smoke were kind of rude, cuz i really can't stand it.. Sorry..
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Malaysia trip.. yipee.. ok.. actually its not really yipee in the sense of yipee but yipee in the way of being able to catch up on stuff and a break from all the projects tugging at me over in Singapore.. I think its a well- desreved break, Cuz i hav neva worked so hard before n neva slept so late before, even during the'o' level period.. Neva before.. ha.. but well.. let me break down the journey.. Actually, we spent most of the time in the coach, travelling but its really tiring n i slept a lot, though fitfully.. We stopped over at temples and shopping malls.. its really a one-day tink, rush affair and all.. but really enjoyned catching up on all the various news in everyone's lives.. about what's happening in everybody's lives-- school and all.. yes,i will not say its fun in a whopping sort of way but rather a relaxed mood, an an escapde from the swarm of projs.. a good tink i guess..
But smth happened ytd too... made me pause in my footsteps n really think over who my real frens are.. made me think who r the people who r really dear to me n how do i make them feel like how they made me feel? Sometimes i feel really dejected.. down in the dumps when i really stop n think as much.. it seemed as though what i hav created is jus an illusion or a mirage.. its not real.. no real ties are involved, no real bonds are forged but rather 'false assumption'. Is this really the elevator i hav created? The stairway i hav bounded myself against? is there anything at all worth reminiscincing? No? There's sure to be smth.. there is sure to be..
what about the times when i throw back my head and laugh? the times when we shared a tear? the times when we studied vigorously? the times when all seemed to go wrong and u guys were by my side? i don mean a single person but rather everyone i hav ever known.. No one in particular.. The ones who are always there for my pleas n cries.. the ones who are just aquaintances.. the ones..
i hav no idea how things transformed and transcended from jus simple stuff but that's how things worked.. in their own way, with their own mind. There's simply no explanation for all the complications that arise out of a root.. nothing..
Sometimes i ralise i fall into smth too fast, too furious n by then when its time for me to crawl out of the furnace, i will be pricked from head to toe.. gruesome n pain.. I can't control how this happens but things jus hav a way to lose control around me..
i hav no idea..
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Its been really long since i last updated on my entries.. due to wat? make a snappy guess..Jus guess.. oH, come on! ok.. shall not prolong the 'suspense'.. Yes.. Bauhaus, logos design, debate assignment.. And to sum it all-- one word called projects! This is really life in poly i guess.. For my course, we hav tons and tons of projs.. Pulling me down.. fanning my anxiety.. reducing the energy level in me.. Made me a 'panda'. This is it... The past week i hav been working, rushing, craming, cussing, wishing, all on graphic com projs.. A torment in the making, a price to pay for the sole reason i pick my path. through the process of making this projs presentable, i enjoyned playing with the stuff in photoshop and freehand mx.. its really cool and i really get amazed by the stuff we can create.. Jus fabulous might not be able to describe the exhilaration.. However, do not assume that i will do well since i enjoyne it.. cuz its really last min rush through work.. like last night while watching the opening match of world cup-- germany vs costa rica( p.s. germany won of course1 haa.. n their jerseys are really so much nicer.. haa.. ), yep.. n rush through all the presentation stuff.. * imagine dark cirlces under my eyes now!*
Finally, handed in today.. But kind of worried on two aspects-- one, the printing quality is not as comparable with the rest who sent for professional printing, cuz i hav no time.. i m goin overseas tonight.. though i will return on late sun or early mon, i will hav no time oso.. So ya.. two, today sat the office is like closed n my logos can't be passed to the clerk n i hav to stuck it into the same hole as bauhaus.. N some of it is jutting out.. i m afraid some one wud go n destroy it or throw it away.. really worry.. pls.. don do dat to me... i really spent a lot of effort on those..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the gift i m thankful,
the words i m speechless..
the thoughts i m freaked,
that's how it is..
a wisp of air,
a stutter of breath,
motion strained and dull..
imagery before thee
No crown as precious,
no jewel replaceable,
the freedom i yearned.
So,
let time numb it all,
wind eroding the thoughts,
water cleansing it,
the product- a new one.
All gone,
gone with the wind.
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
i dunno where to start with or rather whether to even start it.. well.. its jus pressurising me.. forcing me to make decisions that i neva wan to, don dare to even.. i used to love those great times that really helped make me relax and let all defences down but now i m not so sure.. i don wan to leave jus because of it.. i m no quitter.. i don like to gif up the things i like.. N now doesn't make a difference.. yet, everytime i jus dread them.. i dunno why.. and probably a part of me doesn't wan to recognise that the problem is dat.. all this is amounting to nothing.. nothing at all.. in de end, its jus awkwardness and unrequited stuff that i m not mentioning.. If ever i meet a fairy god- mother, i wud ask her jus for a wish to change what is happening now, or rather find me an ans to solve the mess i m in..
i m sinking deeper.. deeper into the oasis.. and hopefully once i reached the bottom of the oasis, i will com to a conclusion.. i will find my path.. i will com out from nothingness.. till then, i m stumped.. trapped.. kicked in the gut..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok, so mon passed uneventful.. normal drone of the lecture.. momotonous but comforting in the sense dat dere's no changes.. no surprises? nothing out of the ordinary happened, nothing really sudden take place.. calming.. soothing.. And oso sleepy! ha.. Tues, which's ytd.. well.. a full day for me.. from early morn classes to cca in the evening.. a treacherous trek in time.. the locvid class we learned bout sound stuff.. n im de 'impt' person-- the mixer.. ha.. so fun.. controlling the sound of the talents and so on.. but, then.. its a really dry module.. veru technical based.. And, next hav proj n debate discussions.. (psst.. i haven written my script for tmr's debate.. help!!!) wa.. And last but not least psf in the evening.. its quite a small turnout for tis week.. prob due to common test week but den some mcm ppl oso did not turn up n we hav no tests.. so well.. its prob due to proj.. prob i shld jus stay home n finish my proj.. now i hav tons breathing down my neck.. threatening to explode..And.. yes.. went home late.. at around 1030.. without much of dinner so in e end gastrics which was so teribly unbearable..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well.. with dat, i better end my piece n start wif my debate piece n then logos n then bauhaus.. argh.. help..
p.s. actually, i kind of look forth to goin malaysia this weekend.. a small escapade, nonetheless.. kind of gif me a much- needed break..
till then..
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Well..its been a really long time since i last blogged.. seriously speaking, i hav neva gone away so long without blogging.. but well.. apparently, i m so overstuffed with projects that i hav seriously no time to even pause for a breath.. ok.. m exaggerating.. but the truth being that i m really so tired nowadays.. i need my energy back.. this is not the old me.. i don feel engaging anymore.. after a certain time, i will tend to 'stone' and not be much of a conversationalist.. But, pls don blame me.. i jus lost the energy to really be enthusiastic bout stuff.. Actually i wont say stress here, cuz stress is too serious a word.. i prefer to use emotional distress.. ha.. at least it doesn't really sound too bad i guess? Cuz well actually in the process of projects, i m doin stuff that i truly enjoy and learn new stuff that seemed like a miracle to me.. amazing me in ways unaccountable.. like using photoshop, freehand and stuff.. the end- product is simply breath taking.. ok.. though i mean i m no expert in tis kinda stuff but its jus amazing in the sense that u r able to create all sort of nice forms and designs( provided that u noe how to..) haa..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ok, this whole week pasts rather fast i guess.. esp when u r rushing n havin not enough sleep, u will noe the element of time plays a role.. After weathering thru one week of 'time- lag', i embrace fri with warm arms.. Finally, i can take a longer sleep... let myself really rest for a moment.. Or rather catch up on all those datelines. tis one week a lot of things happen.. Starting from goin to my uncle's funeral.. he did not make it.. The event was a tearful one where my aunt and cousins were all weeping, the atmosphere was very tense.. But, looking at so many people crying, my tears were threatening to spill, but its always at the las t moment that they seemed to hav a force of their own-- stoppping around the edges of my eyes. Not crying does not necessarily mean not grieving, like my grandma.. i noe that though she din cry, she's oso upset..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok, these few days has shown me some stuff bout human nature? How can people be a two- faced creature? How can u even act all happy and friendly towards a person when in sctual fact u jus condemned that person the day before? How can u even backstab ur closest fren n not bat an eyelash about wat u hav done? I hav no idea bout how people do it but if i m pissed off with a person, it wud actually show in my actions n though i try to be very subtle bout it.. i will end up ignoring that person so that i won neccesarily end up lashing at the person.. haa.. ok.. i hav neva really tried lashing at any person yet.. well..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
don't understand what is my underlying message? Can't get the subtle meaning behind my choice of words? i noe u do.. u understand wat i m talking about.. i hav laid them out in black and white, voiced out what my thoughts are.. what do u still wan from me? stuborn or shld it be called perservearence, i do not noe.. jus dat pls understand me.. yes, u noe me.. but do u understand me? i try not to hurt u, but every request has often been the tool that causes hurt.. i do not wan this to happen.. but somrtimes things are jus well out of our control.. i do not ask for much, jus that to let me breathe again..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An opinion leader is someone whom u values opinions from.. often its someone with senioirty and someone that u respect.. i found this someone.. what u said made me think, motivated me to try harder, to gif it my all.. So, i hope that u gif it ur all too.. don gif up on what u r always capable at-- this is what motivated me.. If ever u really gif up, it wont hurt jus u but the people who cares for u.. ur family.. To me, u r like the elder brother i neva had.. i hope u wud pull urself together once again..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ending this long chunk of text with a little observation from me: when i walked home from school one day, i heard a crow sqwaking away, loud and high-pitched.. following this, a dog barked, the howl overpowering the crow's.. but the crow did not gif up.. a 'fighting spree' followed up-- doubling over with sqwaks and howls.. i jus find this highly amusing.. though its of no relavance to me or anything..
Beauty in the eye of the beholder;
(:
(: